Funny Adult Jokes Biography
Source (Google.com.pk)
When do you kick a midget in the balls? A: When he is standing next to your girlfriend saying her hair smells nice Q: What's the difference between your job and a dead prostitute? A: Your job still sucks! Q: What did the hurricane say to the coconut palm tree? A: Hold on to your nuts, this is no ordinary blow job! Q: How does a woman scare a gynecologist? A: By becoming a ventriloquist! Q: What's 6 inches long, 2 inches wide and drives women wild? A: a $100 bill! Q: Whats long and hard and has cum in it? A: a cucumber Q: How do you kill a circus clown? A: Go for the juggler! Q: Did you hear about the guy who died of a Viagra overdose? A: They couldn't close his casket. Q: Who was the worlds first carpenter? A: Eve, because she made Adams banana stand Q: Why does Dr. Pepper come (cum) in a bottle? A: Because his wife died! Q: What do you call a cheap circumcision? A: a rip off Q: Why did the snowman smile? A: Because the snowblower is coming. Girl: "Hey, what's up?" Boy: "If I tell you, will you sit on it?" Q: How do you get a nun pregnant? A: Dress her up as an alter boy. Q: Why can't you play Uno with a Mexican? A: They steal all the green cards. Q: Why don't orphans play baseball? A: They don't know where home is Q: What’s the difference between a Catholic priest and a zit? A: At least a zit waits until you’re a teenager before it cums on your face! Q: What does it mean when your boyfriend is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name? A: You didn't hold the pillow down long enough. Boy: "Want to hear a joke about my dick? Never mind, its too long." Girl: "Wanna hear a joke about my pussy? Never mind, you won't get it." Q: How do you tell if a chick is too fat to fuck ? A: When you pull her pants down her ass is still in them Q: What do you call 2 guys fighting over a slut? A: Tug-of-whore. Q: What do you call an anorexic bitch with a yeast infection? A: A Quarter Ponder with Cheese. Q: Why do they call it PMS? A: Because Mad Cow Disease was already taken Q: How do you stop a dog from humping your leg? A: Pick him up and suck on his cock! Q: What's slimy cold long and smells like pork? A: Kermit the frogs finger Q: What's the difference between a bowling ball and a blonde? A: You can only fit three fingers inside a bowling ball! Q: What do preists and Mcdonalds have in common? A: They both stick there meat in 10 year old buns Q: What do you call a white guy surrounded by 9 black guys? A: Steve Nash. Q: Why can't Jesus play hockey? A: He keeps getting nailed to the boards. Q: How do you circumcise a hillbilly? A: Kick his sister in the jaw. Q: Why do men get their great ideas in bed? A: Because their plugged into a genius! Q: Did you guys hear about the cannibal that made a bunch of businessmen into Chili? A: I guess he liked seasoned professionals. Q: What's the difference between a hooker and a drug dealer? Q: A hooker can wash her crack and sell it again. Q: Why was the guitar teacher arrested? A: For fingering A minor. Q: Three words to ruin a man's ego...? A: "Is it in?" Q: What do the Mafia and a pussy have in common? A: One slip of the tongue, and you're in deep shit. A redhead tells her blonde stepsister, "I slept with a Brazilian...." The blonde replies, "Oh my God! You slut! How many is a brazilian?" Q: Why don't black people go on cruises? A: They already fell for that trick once. A daughter asked her mother how to spell penis, her mom said you should have asked me last night it was at the tip of my tongue. Q: What has got two legs and bleeds? A: Half a dog! Q: What do you call an afghan virgin A: Mever bin laid on Q: Why does Miss Piggy douche with honey? A: Because Kermit likes sweet and sour pork. Q: What is the difference between an illegal immigrant and E.T.? A: E.T. eventually went home! Q: Why can't you hear a psychiatrist using the bathroom? A: Because the 'p' is silent Q: Why did God give men penises? A: So they'd have at least one way to shut a woman up. Q: What do you call a lesbian dinosaur A: A lickalotopis Q: What’s the difference between being hungry and horny? A: Where you put the cucumber. What did the elephant say to a naked man? Hey that's cute but can you breath through it? Q: What did One gay sperm say to another? A: How do we find an egg in all of this shit? Q: Did you hear about the celebrity murderer? A: He was shooting for the stars. Q: What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup? A: Anyone can roast beef. Q: Why did Tigger look in the toilet? A: Because he was looking for Pooh If a firefighters business can go up in smoke, and a plumbers business can go down the drain, can a hooker get layed off? Q: Do you know what the square root of 69 is? A: Ate something If you had a donkey and I had a chicken and if your donkey ate my chicken what will you have? Three feet of my cock up your ass. Q: What do you call a 13 year old girl from Kentucky who can run faster than her six brothers? A: A virgin. Q: What kind of bees produce milk? A: Boobies Q: Did you hear about the African American girl who was quiet during the movie? A: She wasn't Q: How do you start a parade in the ghetto? A: Roll a 40 down the street. Q: What should you do if your girlfriend starts smoking? A: Slow down. And possibly use a lubricant. Q: What did the penis say to the vagina? A: Don't make me cum in there. Q: Why do women rub their eyes when they get up in the morning? A: They don't have balls to scratch. Q: What do you call ball's on your chin? A: A dick in your mouth! Q: Did you hear about the Mexican racist? A: He joined the que que que. Q: What do you call a man who cries while he masturbates? A: A tearjerker. Q: What did the banana say to the vibrator? A: Why are YOU shaking? She's going to eat me! One day, a little boy wrote to Santa Clause, "Please send me a sister." Santa Clause wrote him back, "Ok, send me your mother." Q: Whats the difference between the Florida State football team and a Florida State cheerleader? A: They both suck for four quarters. What’s the difference between a rabbi and a priest? A rabbi cuts them off; A priest sucks them off Q:Why do dwarfs laugh when they play soccer? A:The grass tickles their balls Q: How do you rape a camel? A: One hump at a time. Q: What do you call a bunch of retarded kids in a pool? A: Vegetable soup. Q: What does a 75 year old woman have between her breasts that a 25 year old doesn't? A: Her navel. Q: What does a good bar and a good woman have in common? A: Liquor in the front and poker in the back! Q: What do you call a Spanish chick with no legs? A: Cuntswaylow Q: Why does the Easter Bunny hide Easter eggs? A: He doesn't want anyone knowing he's been fucking the chickens! Q: What's the difference between a hair stylist and a nail stylist? A: One does hand jobs and one does blow jobs! Q: What is the difference between erotic and kinky? A: Erotic is using a feather....kinky is using the whole chicken. Q: When does a cub become a boy scout? A: When he eats his first Brownie. Q: What is the leading cause in death with lesbians? A: Hairballs. Q: What did the cannibal do after he dumped his girlfriend? A: Wiped his ass. Q: Did you hear about the butcher who backed into the meat grinder? A: He got behind in his work. Q: What do you get when cross a donkey and an onion? A: a piece of ass that'll bring a tear to your eye! Q: What does a woman and Kentucky Fried Chicken have in common? A: By the time you’re finished with the breast and thighs, all you have left is the greasy box to put your bone in. Q: Why doesn’t Mexico have an Olympic team? A: Because everybody who can run, jump and swim are already in the U.S. Q: How do you embarrass an archaeologist? A: Give him a used tampon and ask him which period it came from. Q: What's the difference between a redneck and poor white trash? A: a redneck will knock his sister up; poor white trash will marry her. Q: What is the difference between snowmen and snowwomen? A: Snowballs. Q: What do you call a bunny with a bent dick? A: FUCKS FUNNY Q: What’s the difference between a Southern zoo and a Northern zoo? A: A Southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front of the cage, along with a recipe. Q: What’s 6 inches long and starts with a p? A: ........... a shit (think about it) Q: Why is being in the military like a blow-job? A. The closer you get to discharge, the better you feel. Q: What do you call a ninety year old man who can still masturbate? A: Miracle Whip. Q: What do hockey players and Surrey girls have in common? A: They both only change their pads after every third period! Q: What is the difference between oral and anal sex? A: Oral sex makes your day and Anal sex makes your whole weak. Q: Whats the best thing about a 18 year old girl in the shower? A: Slick her hair back she looks 15.. Q: What's strong enough for a man but made for a woman? A: The back of my hand. Q: Why is santa so jolly? A: Because he knows where all the naughty girls live. Q: What do you call 300 white men chasing a black man? A: The PGA tour. Q: What is a vagina? A: The box a penis comes in. Q: How is a woman like a road? A: Both have manholes. Q: How many Emo kids does it take to screw in a lightbulb? A: None, they all sit in the dark and cry. Q: How man Sorority girls does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: Two, One to screw it in, and one to take a picture. Q: How do you kill a retard? A: Give him a knife and say "Who's special?" Q: What does a gangbanger have in common with a soda machine? A: They both don't work and always take your money. Q: Why are there only two pallbearers at a homeless guys funeral? A: There are only two handles on a garbage can. Q: How do they say "fuck you" in Los Angeles? A: Trust me. Q: What did the toaster say to the slice of bread? A: I want you inside me! Q: How do you get tickets to the Tampon 100? A: Pull some strings. Q: Why can't Jesus eat m&m's? A: Because he has holes in his hands. Q: Why Are crippled people always picked on? A: Because they can't stand up for themselves Q: Whats the hardest part about eating a vegetable? A: Putting her back in the wheelchair when your done... Q: What would happen if you cut off your left side? A: You would be all right. Q: What will it take to get a Beatles reunion? A: 2 Bullets Q: What is Superman's greatest weakness? A: A bucking horse. Q: How did Rihanna find out Chris Brown was cheating on her? A: She found another woman's lipstick on his knuckles Q: Why did Hitler commit suicide? A: He got the gas bill. Q: What is a crack head's favorite song? A: I wanna rock! Q: How do you get retards out of a tree? A: Wave to them! Q: What do you call a gangbanger behind bars? A: Anything you want. Q: What do you call a Muslim stripper? A: youseen memuff Q: Why did the boy fall off the swing? A: He didn't have any arms. Q: Why are black men penises bigger than white men? A: Because as kids white men had toys to play with! Q: Why are most Guidos named Tony? A: When they got on the boat to America they stamped To NY (Tony) on their foreheads. Q: What is the difference between ooooooh and aaaaaaah? A: About three inches. Q: What's worse than spiders on your piano? A: Crabs on your organ. Q: Why did the Mafia cross the road? A: Forget about it. Q: What’s the difference between you and eggs? A: Eggs get laid and you don’t Q: What is the flattest surface you can iron your jeans in? A: A white girl's bottom Q: What did the blind man say when he passed the fish market? A: Good morning ladies. Q: What did the letter O say to Q? A: Dude, your dick is hanging out. Q: Why are cowgirls bowlegged? A: Cowboys like to eat with their hats on. Q: What happens when the smog lifts over Los Angeles? A: UCLA Q: What is the difference between a genealogist and a gynecologist? A: A genealogist looks up your family tree. A gynecologist looks up your family bush. Q: What did the Alabama sheriff call the black guy who had been shot 15 times? A: Worst case of suicide he had ever seen.
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